My story

1 year 1 week ago #20 by Carmen
My story was created by Carmen
My story began when I was a little girl. I was molested. Over the next 45 yrs I wld experience a number of things that I just wasnt capable of coping with. I cld go into detail but it all seems irrelevant now compared to actually surviving on a daily basis when you are constantly bargaining with the devil and as I like to call it juggling the balls that bipolar, anxiety and complex ptsd are constantly throwing at you. That alone is exhausting in itself. For those of you who dont know, the difference between ptsd and complex ptsd is that ptsd is normally 1 traumatic event. Complex ptsd is a number of events over an extended period of time.

The straw that finally broke the horses back was in 2015. Over a period of 2 months so much happened that I just cldnt process it. I felt like I was losing my mind. My inner voice told me I was already long overdue for a clinic stay and that my anxiety was out of control but due to not working and no medical aid this wasnt an option. In a period of a month I lost 4 people I knew to accident, suicide and illness. We had to get out of our flat at a moments notice due to riot action on our doorstep, my car had become a target to thieves then August happened. One night I said goodbye to a friend outside our flat. I had my 3 yr old son on my hip. When she had left I was confronted and a gun shoved in my chest. I had to stay calm for my son but I was screaming inside. The guy saw I had nothing of value turned around and left. I got behind the gate and locked it, dropping my son in the process. I phoned for support but none came. Two weeks later. The night we moved to a safer area, we went back to the flat to get a few things. 3 men walked up to our front door. I heard them as I was 2 steps from the door on the inside. When I turned round my 3 yr old was in front of me. I didnt see the guy lift the gun but I heard it. In a split second when I saw them I lifted my arm to slam and lock the door. We hid in the kitchen begging security and cops for help. Only then did I realise I had been shot. Help only came an hour later. I was in a state not knowing if my son had been hit. I was frantic. That night I realised my life wld never be the same again.

I desperately needed trauma councilling. I had finally gone over the edge. Suicide did cross my mind but was never an option. I have kids that need me. The worst was waking up every day and you still breathing. Due to not having medical aid nor the finances, getting the help I needed was close to impossible. I tried 7 different avenues over 6 yrs. But South Africa has to seriously up its game in providing the proper help so many trauma victims need in this country.

Well I have finally found the care and support I have desperately been needing. Through a wonderful clinic in a small dorpie I am now with an amazing psychologist undergoing therapy. My journey to healing has only just begun but theres hope. I have a voice and I am being heard.

I will do a follow up how anxiety and ptsd have affected my daily life and how I have gotten through each day. This is not easy to talk about as it brings back so many memories and feelings.

Be strong, have faith and just breathe ❤

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

11 months 3 weeks ago #21 by Anne
Replied by Anne on topic Re:My story
That is such a terrible story. It sounds harsh to say it, because it is your LIFE!

But what kind of counseling do they give you?

I am very happy you found help. And I think you are amazing for staying strong through it all.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Time to create page: 0.246 seconds
Powered by Kunena Forum
Don't have an account yet? Register Now!

Sign in to your account